Psalms 8-10

After reading these chapters, I realized I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to cry out. I know that God is there for me and we should call on His name... but I am tired and weary. I am exhausted of explaining everything and trying to do what's right from wrong. Whose opinion is it for right and wrong? Why to one person is something wrong but to another, that wrong is something right or they see nothing wrong in it? Why is this world so confusing and empty? How do we just find happiness? Today my heart longs for answers. I guess I am also looking for the easy way. So many times I just want to shut everything out. I want to close my door to everyone that comes to it. I want to shut down and live my own life. I want to get away from everyone and their opinions and "advice". Who are they to tell me what I should be doing or how I should live my life? I am assuming it is God who is trying to get to me and he uses the people around me... but often I feel broken and run over. Is that how I should be feeling? The ones who give me these talks, who gives them their talks? Who tells them about their life? Today is all over the place. My emotions are everywhere... one day, the answers will come.

Psalms 4-7 Weekend!

These chapters have been on my heart the whole weekend. 4:1 "Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. 6:2 Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me; for my bones are vexed. 4 Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: oh save me for they mercies' sake. 6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with tears. 9 The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer. 7:1 O Lord my God, in thee do I put my turst: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me: 17 I will praise the Lord according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the Lord most high."

This weekend was really hard for me because I had Julius' birthday and then a surprise visit from my mom. I am so lucky to have her here; yes, but at the same time, I have such a hard time with her. I pray that God will give me the patience and strength to get through this week. Lord, I know you hear my every thought and word. I pray that you deliver me from my own self... deliver me from what I am familiar with and help me to be renewed by your Spirit. I want to be that happy woman again. I want to be confident and secure. Lord, be with me through this troubled time.

Songs of the Day: Your Name by The Swift
Grace Like Rain by Todd Agnew
Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars


P.S. Thanks to my sweet neice Taryn for reading my thoughts and prayers. I love you so much and appreciate your every word and of course that smile. =) Love you!

Psalms 3

I really needed this book today. I woke up different and not ready for the day, but once I opened my Bible, God knew this is what I needed to hear.
3 "But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. 4 I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill." I don't even need to explain what this means to me. 6 "I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around."
Lord, you hear my cries and my heart. You know what I need and strive for. You are always there and you comfort me. Thank you God for being my rock to stand on. Thank you God for keeping me going every day. Thank you for your mercy and forgiveness.

Psalms 2

8"Ask of Me, and I will give You the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possessions. 10 Now therefore, be wise, O kings; Be instructed,... 11 Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12...Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."
I know I have always had to put my trust in Him, but I never did. I battle so much with trying to do things my way or trusting what I think is right for me. I struggle with giving that up to God yet I give it so easily to others. I let people around me control what I do, what I say, who I can and cannot talk to... I go back and forth about who I should make happy and who can make me happy. But really, it is God I should be pleasing. I know that if I turn to God and really trust Him with my heart and my life, He will bless me. He will rejoice. I need to serve Him and only Him right now. I am tired of being dormant and incompliant to Christ. I know that I have broken hearts and really hurt people and for that, I am truly sorry. Although, I am mostly sorry for breaking my Father in Heaven's heart. How many times was I at the altar telling you I am ready to change, I am ready to turn my life around, I am ready to put you first... yet I never did. I am ready to take that step. I know it is going to be a long and hard road, but Lord, I want to put you first.
It is necessary for us to suffer to draw closer to God... I know this now. I heard a pastor once say, God's work of art includes many colors-both dark and bright; therefore, our lives include both dark and bright times. We still need to turn to Him through all times and that is what I am ready to do. I know that I shouldn't run from Him during time of distress but to rejoice because it is time for refinement. 1 Peter 1:7 says "that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I will be tested by fire over and over again, but I will become precious and pure as gold when He is done with me.

I need to trust God during my time of distress... this will help my roots grow strong in the Lord and He will continue to be by my side.
Lord, please forgive me for not coming to you sooner. Please forgive me for trying to take life into my own hands. I am drowning without you. Please help me to be the daughter you want me to be. I am crying out to you Lord to accept my hand and to teach me and hold me. Thank you for never turning away from me or abandoning me. I love you Lord and I know there is hope for me. Thank you for your mercy, grace, and healing. In Jesus name, Amen.

Song of the day: Third Day: Cry out to Jesus

Psalms 1

1 "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly..." Well, I think God is saying good morning to me. I have made a decision that I need to get back in the Word. I have realized that I am not the girl I used to be and I need help. I need God's help. It's funny because I always hear the Pastor talking about witnessing and telling people, "that thing you are missing and longing for is Christ". I have spent the past year thinking about what is wrong with me. I have been unhappy and have blaming it on all kinds of things... but the truth is, I don't have a relationship with God and that's what makes me unhappy. The only thing I can do is make an effort to reach out my hand to Him. Why have I been so blind to not see it before? Why was it so hard for me to rely on God?

3 "He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." I want to be like this tree that will grow and prosper. I want to grow with Christ and teach my boys to grow in Christ and to know that God is always by their side. I want to be planted by the rivers of water, not out in the desert trying to get every last drop of water. I don't want to dry out. I want to grow luscious green with fresh fruit and roots that are healthy and strong. I want to be strong to put away my childish acts and to focus on Christ.

6 "For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish." I want the Lord to know me. I want Him to bless my life and those that are a part of it. I want Christ to show me His unconditional and everlasting love. I want to feel His arms wrapped around me to keep me safe and to warm my heart. I don't want to feel alone anymore. I don't want to feel ungodly. I don't want to perish. I know that one day I will be with Christ and will have to answer to Him. I don't want to feel guilty or unworthy when I see His face.

Lord, please forgive my ungodly actions. Please open my heart to love you and open my eyes to see you. I have been gripping my heart so hard and so close saying that I will protect it.... but I need to offer it up to you. I trust you oh Lord. please, take this sadness from me.

Christmas in California

Life is good in the Morales home....Being with my sister Sherry and her family has been such a blessing. I have missed her for so long. Last year I was able to see her and her family for one day before we went to Disneyland and Sea World. Julius enjoyed playing with his cousins, PJ visited with Marco and talked sports, and I enjoyed loving my side of the family. I realized that I definitely didn't have enough time with them! So here we are!!
I have had so much fun here just relaxing with my nieces and nephew. Hannah, who is 16, thinks she can wrestle with me but I pinned her multiple times! (Sorry, maybe in five years). She and I love singing together and finding great music! Taryn, 12, has been connected to my hip laughing and helping with Justus and makes me smile every minute. Naomi, 6, calls my name anytime I am out of her sight and comes to give me a hug and a kiss. I love that she just wants to be around me. I love cuddling her and squeezing her until she starts giggling! Marco Joseph, 4, has been a riot! He entertains Julius all minutes of the day and then finds time to cuddle and kiss Justus. My favorite part is when we leave to go somewhere and when we come back home, Nay Nay and Marco run to the door, open it, yell my name, and give me a huge hug and kiss. That could never get old.
My sister Sherry is the most amazing woman I know. She is literally the definition of wonder woman. She is super mom, most-caring aunt, loving sister, and a great friend. I watch her all day long and wonder how she does it all. She wakes up and starts the coffee for us because she knows we want it first thing in the morning. She then gives kisses and hugs to everyone that is awake, making them feel like they are the most important person in the whole world at that very moment. Straight to the kitchen she goes to make breakfast from scratch for the household of ten. After that, she cleans up and begins playing with my boys and her kiddos. She never shows if she is tired or upset. She wears a smile on her face and has happiness in her voice. I want to be just like her. I strive to be the mom that she is. I hope that I can be at least half the wife she is. Last night I was able to hear her sing at church and her husband preach. It has been a while since I have heard good preaching and singing from the heart. Marco, my brother-in-law, is such a hard working man. When he is not working, he is cracking jokes and finding a new nick name for me. =) I wish we could live here because then there would be Morales joy in my life every day. That is the best joy! =)
This Christmas, I have been able to relax and not be rushed. I have been able to see Julius play constantly with those that love him and Justus be held and loved to death. It is nice to see PJ be able to relax and chill too. I know he misses being with his family and I am so thankful he agreed to coming to California so I can be with mine. I just sit here listening to music, drinking my coffee and thinking about all the love in this home. I hope that you are treasuring your time with your loved ones and enjoying the Christmas spirit.
I will try and post pictures later since it isn't working right now. lol Merry Christmas!!!!

Life... all at once!

Sometimes I just look at this blog and wonder why I still write on here. Then, I realize it's because I like to write. I don't have internet at home right now, so I can't get on FB... therefore, I am using this to be my outlet... for a little while at least. Yesterday, I had a very small breakdown. I was watching "The Ugly Truth" and got very sad. Not because it was a sad movie, but because I envied how happy she seemed to be. Such a big smile and all giddy inside. It reminded me of the days when I first started dating and was so infatuated with a boy. Now, don't get me wrong.... I am happy and I absolutely LOVE my husband and family. I just miss those butterflies and excitement. With Julius and being pregnant, my feelings and emotions are ALL over the place and directed in different directions. There is happiness in my life, but there is also sadness. There are parts of me that are missing and there are people in my life that I miss dearly. It's so hard to try and please everyone and please myself. I love everyone in my life right now but I miss so many at the same time. There are people I want to talk to and can't, there are those who I will never get to talk to again, and there are some who I can't talk to just because of who they are a part of. This is all to make my life better and happier right? Yes, life isn't fair, I know... but when can we all just get over everything? When can we all just be happy and forgive?
Anyways, Julius' second birthday is coming up! We can't wait... he is already doing such a great job with learning how to pee and poop in the potty and communicates somewhat well. =) I love when he yells, "mom" all day long. Then he wants to show me something or tell me something that most of the time I can't understand. Like this morning, he wanted to watch "Finding Nemo", his new favorite movie... and I was getting ready for work. He ran down the hall yelling, "mom, mom,..." and then grabbed my hand and said, "shark!". It was the cutest thing ever. So I followed him to the living room where he proceeded to point and yell, "shark, mom, shark!" =) It made it a great start to my day.
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed the Superbowl!!! We had a great time with just the three of us! PJ came home from work at 4pm and we started the game with Hot Buffalo Wings and Nachos!!! It was delicious... and I LOVED my cherry coke that he bought me... =) We ended the victorious day of watching the Steelers lose with reading to Julius and cuddling on the bed. All 3 (well 4 with Justus in my belly) of us and then went to bed. I love family time and can't wait for our addition to be here!