Psalms 3

I really needed this book today. I woke up different and not ready for the day, but once I opened my Bible, God knew this is what I needed to hear.
3 "But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. 4 I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill." I don't even need to explain what this means to me. 6 "I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around."
Lord, you hear my cries and my heart. You know what I need and strive for. You are always there and you comfort me. Thank you God for being my rock to stand on. Thank you God for keeping me going every day. Thank you for your mercy and forgiveness.

Psalms 2

8"Ask of Me, and I will give You the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possessions. 10 Now therefore, be wise, O kings; Be instructed,... 11 Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12...Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."
I know I have always had to put my trust in Him, but I never did. I battle so much with trying to do things my way or trusting what I think is right for me. I struggle with giving that up to God yet I give it so easily to others. I let people around me control what I do, what I say, who I can and cannot talk to... I go back and forth about who I should make happy and who can make me happy. But really, it is God I should be pleasing. I know that if I turn to God and really trust Him with my heart and my life, He will bless me. He will rejoice. I need to serve Him and only Him right now. I am tired of being dormant and incompliant to Christ. I know that I have broken hearts and really hurt people and for that, I am truly sorry. Although, I am mostly sorry for breaking my Father in Heaven's heart. How many times was I at the altar telling you I am ready to change, I am ready to turn my life around, I am ready to put you first... yet I never did. I am ready to take that step. I know it is going to be a long and hard road, but Lord, I want to put you first.
It is necessary for us to suffer to draw closer to God... I know this now. I heard a pastor once say, God's work of art includes many colors-both dark and bright; therefore, our lives include both dark and bright times. We still need to turn to Him through all times and that is what I am ready to do. I know that I shouldn't run from Him during time of distress but to rejoice because it is time for refinement. 1 Peter 1:7 says "that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I will be tested by fire over and over again, but I will become precious and pure as gold when He is done with me.

I need to trust God during my time of distress... this will help my roots grow strong in the Lord and He will continue to be by my side.
Lord, please forgive me for not coming to you sooner. Please forgive me for trying to take life into my own hands. I am drowning without you. Please help me to be the daughter you want me to be. I am crying out to you Lord to accept my hand and to teach me and hold me. Thank you for never turning away from me or abandoning me. I love you Lord and I know there is hope for me. Thank you for your mercy, grace, and healing. In Jesus name, Amen.

Song of the day: Third Day: Cry out to Jesus

Psalms 1

1 "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly..." Well, I think God is saying good morning to me. I have made a decision that I need to get back in the Word. I have realized that I am not the girl I used to be and I need help. I need God's help. It's funny because I always hear the Pastor talking about witnessing and telling people, "that thing you are missing and longing for is Christ". I have spent the past year thinking about what is wrong with me. I have been unhappy and have blaming it on all kinds of things... but the truth is, I don't have a relationship with God and that's what makes me unhappy. The only thing I can do is make an effort to reach out my hand to Him. Why have I been so blind to not see it before? Why was it so hard for me to rely on God?

3 "He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." I want to be like this tree that will grow and prosper. I want to grow with Christ and teach my boys to grow in Christ and to know that God is always by their side. I want to be planted by the rivers of water, not out in the desert trying to get every last drop of water. I don't want to dry out. I want to grow luscious green with fresh fruit and roots that are healthy and strong. I want to be strong to put away my childish acts and to focus on Christ.

6 "For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish." I want the Lord to know me. I want Him to bless my life and those that are a part of it. I want Christ to show me His unconditional and everlasting love. I want to feel His arms wrapped around me to keep me safe and to warm my heart. I don't want to feel alone anymore. I don't want to feel ungodly. I don't want to perish. I know that one day I will be with Christ and will have to answer to Him. I don't want to feel guilty or unworthy when I see His face.

Lord, please forgive my ungodly actions. Please open my heart to love you and open my eyes to see you. I have been gripping my heart so hard and so close saying that I will protect it.... but I need to offer it up to you. I trust you oh Lord. please, take this sadness from me.

Christmas in California

Life is good in the Morales home....Being with my sister Sherry and her family has been such a blessing. I have missed her for so long. Last year I was able to see her and her family for one day before we went to Disneyland and Sea World. Julius enjoyed playing with his cousins, PJ visited with Marco and talked sports, and I enjoyed loving my side of the family. I realized that I definitely didn't have enough time with them! So here we are!!
I have had so much fun here just relaxing with my nieces and nephew. Hannah, who is 16, thinks she can wrestle with me but I pinned her multiple times! (Sorry, maybe in five years). She and I love singing together and finding great music! Taryn, 12, has been connected to my hip laughing and helping with Justus and makes me smile every minute. Naomi, 6, calls my name anytime I am out of her sight and comes to give me a hug and a kiss. I love that she just wants to be around me. I love cuddling her and squeezing her until she starts giggling! Marco Joseph, 4, has been a riot! He entertains Julius all minutes of the day and then finds time to cuddle and kiss Justus. My favorite part is when we leave to go somewhere and when we come back home, Nay Nay and Marco run to the door, open it, yell my name, and give me a huge hug and kiss. That could never get old.
My sister Sherry is the most amazing woman I know. She is literally the definition of wonder woman. She is super mom, most-caring aunt, loving sister, and a great friend. I watch her all day long and wonder how she does it all. She wakes up and starts the coffee for us because she knows we want it first thing in the morning. She then gives kisses and hugs to everyone that is awake, making them feel like they are the most important person in the whole world at that very moment. Straight to the kitchen she goes to make breakfast from scratch for the household of ten. After that, she cleans up and begins playing with my boys and her kiddos. She never shows if she is tired or upset. She wears a smile on her face and has happiness in her voice. I want to be just like her. I strive to be the mom that she is. I hope that I can be at least half the wife she is. Last night I was able to hear her sing at church and her husband preach. It has been a while since I have heard good preaching and singing from the heart. Marco, my brother-in-law, is such a hard working man. When he is not working, he is cracking jokes and finding a new nick name for me. =) I wish we could live here because then there would be Morales joy in my life every day. That is the best joy! =)
This Christmas, I have been able to relax and not be rushed. I have been able to see Julius play constantly with those that love him and Justus be held and loved to death. It is nice to see PJ be able to relax and chill too. I know he misses being with his family and I am so thankful he agreed to coming to California so I can be with mine. I just sit here listening to music, drinking my coffee and thinking about all the love in this home. I hope that you are treasuring your time with your loved ones and enjoying the Christmas spirit.
I will try and post pictures later since it isn't working right now. lol Merry Christmas!!!!

Life... all at once!

Sometimes I just look at this blog and wonder why I still write on here. Then, I realize it's because I like to write. I don't have internet at home right now, so I can't get on FB... therefore, I am using this to be my outlet... for a little while at least. Yesterday, I had a very small breakdown. I was watching "The Ugly Truth" and got very sad. Not because it was a sad movie, but because I envied how happy she seemed to be. Such a big smile and all giddy inside. It reminded me of the days when I first started dating and was so infatuated with a boy. Now, don't get me wrong.... I am happy and I absolutely LOVE my husband and family. I just miss those butterflies and excitement. With Julius and being pregnant, my feelings and emotions are ALL over the place and directed in different directions. There is happiness in my life, but there is also sadness. There are parts of me that are missing and there are people in my life that I miss dearly. It's so hard to try and please everyone and please myself. I love everyone in my life right now but I miss so many at the same time. There are people I want to talk to and can't, there are those who I will never get to talk to again, and there are some who I can't talk to just because of who they are a part of. This is all to make my life better and happier right? Yes, life isn't fair, I know... but when can we all just get over everything? When can we all just be happy and forgive?
Anyways, Julius' second birthday is coming up! We can't wait... he is already doing such a great job with learning how to pee and poop in the potty and communicates somewhat well. =) I love when he yells, "mom" all day long. Then he wants to show me something or tell me something that most of the time I can't understand. Like this morning, he wanted to watch "Finding Nemo", his new favorite movie... and I was getting ready for work. He ran down the hall yelling, "mom, mom,..." and then grabbed my hand and said, "shark!". It was the cutest thing ever. So I followed him to the living room where he proceeded to point and yell, "shark, mom, shark!" =) It made it a great start to my day.
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed the Superbowl!!! We had a great time with just the three of us! PJ came home from work at 4pm and we started the game with Hot Buffalo Wings and Nachos!!! It was delicious... and I LOVED my cherry coke that he bought me... =) We ended the victorious day of watching the Steelers lose with reading to Julius and cuddling on the bed. All 3 (well 4 with Justus in my belly) of us and then went to bed. I love family time and can't wait for our addition to be here!

Updates!!

I can’t believe that Julius is almost 2 years old. I have gone through so much reflection and changes in these last two years. He has really shown me what being a mother is all about. Now I am going to have a second child?! A boy at that! Thank goodness. I already know how to take care of a boy, have all of the necessities for him, and won’t have to deal with the female hormones! =) Yeah, I am pretty happy about it. I am especially happy for Julius to have a brother. I know that he will have the best years with him and it will be easy for me. That’s the best part!!
It’s so crazy to see Julius’ personality come out. He LOVES to say “No” to everything, which I know, you say is typical. This boy, however, says NO when I tell him I love him. It cracks me up to hear him respond that way because I think he knows I want him to say it back. He is teaching himself so many different things just by being observant. Yesterday we were reading to ourselves next to each other. He grabbed my arm and screamed, while pointing at the page, “MAMA MAMA, Dun-din-door!” I looked down and saw a tortoise that looked very similar to a “dinosaur”, and was so proud of him. He then pointed to an “egg” and yelled that too. He gets so excited when he sees and says things that he knows and understands. He runs everywhere and tries to get into everything in sight. His favorite thing to get into is the snack drawer! Every day he will try to get a Special K bar, Nutrigrain bar, Korean snacks, or even any of the cereals. Then brings it to mom or dad and says please. Well, we try hard not to give in but I have caught PJ and Julius on the couch a couple of times both eating. =)
Every time we are in the car Julius loves to search for the moon. That kid can find the moon in less than 5 seconds and even in the day time. It is crazy to me how much he loves finding the moon and yelling it out for everyone to look. He just recently learned about the American flag. It hangs on the top of Walmart and I always ask him, “where’s the flag Julius?” He points and yells, “FLAGGGGG!” and then wants to go up and grab it.
Of course he still loves his shows and dancing to all the songs. He tries to copy them and when the characters give him something to do, he follows along. I can tell he will be a great dancer. I tell him about the baby in my belly and how it is his baby brother. He looks at me like I am crazy and then lifts up my shirt and yells, “baby”. I can tell he has been clingier because he always wants me to hold him or let him sit on me. Then in the mornings and after naps he yells for DADA or MAMA. He really is the cutest boy and I am so proud of how much he has grown.
I am still trying to figure out if I want to throw a birthday party for him. He only has about 3 friends his age, so we will see. Let me know what you think! =)

Christmas- Reflect and Spread

Christmas.... what a wonderful holiday. The time to think. The time to remember. The time to love and care and spread good cheer. But how are we really spending this time of year? Have we actually took the time to think and remember? Have we just spent our time thinking about ourselves and our family or have we thought of others? This whole year has been ups and downs for my family and I, and now I am truly taking the time to just sit and reflect. I am in a great home with food and warmth, a husband and son who love me dearly, a precious little one on the way, and a new job that has brought me my laughter and personality back. I know that I am happy now, but what about the rest of this year?
I think when I became a mom and a stay-at-home-mom, I forgot who I really was. I forgot that I am an outgoing, social person who needs the company of others. I thoroughly enjoyed being with my son and watching him grow and bring new joys to my life-BUT... I let that cut out the other half of me. I became this person who was suddenly a stranger. I thought my duties were to cook, clean, take care of my son and provide what ever my husband needed. I suddenly aged about 10 years and missed the years of my youth. I indulged so much in my new family, new home, new environment, that I missed what was really important to me. MYSELF! I took on new beliefs and tried to force them onto my dear husband. I became unhappy.
After chaos and depression continued... I finally got a wake up call. Now I am sitting in an office with a completely different outlook on life. I remembered that I am only 24 years old and I have so much ahead of me. Yes, I got married at a young age, had a son, moved to a new state, new home, new job, and now pregnant... but that doesn't mean I have to leave my old life behind. I am taking what I have learned in the past 23 years of my life and adding them to the new experiences that I have learned just in this last year. I am a mom; a young mom, who needs to do things for herself sometimes. I need to love my family and love others as well, but I also need to learn to love myself and the person I have become.
This Christmas I am trying to help others understand that this could happen to them and to not forget! I talk to my friends who are thinking about marriage, already married, are parents, etc. and make sure that they are not completely changing into someone they do not want to be. I sent a Christmas box to a little 2 yr old boy in a third-world country to make sure this Christmas he has all the hygiene products and toys needed. I participated in providing food and presents for a family of eight. And now I am focusing on the good cheer I could spread. It breaks my heart, working in a Pediatric center, to see the kids who need love and care. I try to give them a smile and make them laugh so that at least, for that one moment, they don't have to think of the sadness in their life.
I hope you are doing something great this Christmas. Take time to reflect on what needs to change in your life and do a little something for someone else once in a while. I know that money might be an issue these days... but even a smile can brighten up someone's day! Merry Christmas and a "Make a Difference" New Year!! =)