Refresh

This Sunday our message was about "Losing your Marbles". A man filled his jar full of marbles and every Sunday he would throw one marble away. This signified his time and how he spent it. He noticed after a year that his jar was almost empty.... he thought for a moment, "man, so much time has passed by. What have I been doing with my life?" So he then did what any normal human being would do... he bought more marbles. =) Now this story stuck out to me because I don't want to just question where I have been spending my time. I want to see my jar half empty and think, WOW I have had such a great year!! I want to be satisfied with how far I have gone and think about my success and happiness from the past year. This message was so refreshing for me because it helped me blink and notice my life in a different way. What shapes me? Am I becoming the woman I truly want to be? Am I spending my time wisely and with important things or just urgent things? You see, Urgent means calling for immediate attention. Important means it's marked by significant worth. There are so many days I think to myself, my days are FILLED with activities and things to do; but, are they urgent things or important things? Lord, I pray that I can start to say no to the things that fill my day with emptiness. I pray that I can put the important things first and never allow the urgent to overrule my life. I pray that I can set the best example for my boys and show them how to spend their time in life wisely. I pray that I am the example of your love and compassion to my co-workers and to my friends and even those that are around me. I want to be different. I want to be that light that shines and people notice and want to know why. I want to prioritize my time accordingly and to your will. I pray that I can trust you with my schedule and know I am not wasting my time. I know my days are numbered by you and I want you to be pleased when I see your face at the gates of Heaven. Thank you for loving me and never failing me. It's funny because I see so much negativity in my life and end up missing the positives. It is said after Jesus was crucified and raised again, He sat at the right hand of God. This symbolizes his "rest" and we seem to forget that. I am so thankful that Jesus shows us how important rest is for our bodies, mind, and soul. Why do I let the negativity get to me? Why do I allow it to take over my time and waste so much just pondering and trying to fix it? I mean, God used the 7th day to rest after creating this amazing universe! Surely I can make time to "sit down" not just for my physical well being but for my mind and soul also. Society has told us that we need to use planners and email and reminders and technology to remind us of all the activities filling our schedules. Can we ever just pencil in "resting period"? Or better yet, PEN it in so we can't erase it and fill it in?! This is my time to REFRESH and REST! Is it possible? Can I do this? If you know me, this is going to be the hardest challenge I ever partake in. I do, however, understand the importance of rest and how my soul will be better because of it. Lord, you are my lighthouse, my footsteps, my every thought. I know you will carry me through and help me continue to better myself and be the woman you want me to be. Check your life and see if you are doing what makes you happy and if you can think, looking back.... can you say you are happy with the way you spent your time? Maybe make a list of the IMPORTANT things and cross out the things you think are urgent; but in reality, it's just taking up your "resting time". =) Today I have taken time to talk to the ones I love, read my daily devotional, and have taken resting time to reflect on my life. Sometimes writing it down just helps solidify these thoughts and even help put them into action. Today is a new day. Let my life be the proof of your love.

Lately

I feel like I have been on an emotional rollercoaster lately. I have some good days and some bad days. I have days where I want to crawl into bed and days where I want to go skydiving. I know everyone has these days and I just want to know what they do. I listen to music and try to stay calm. I try to relax and close my eyes. I like to sit back in my chair with my coffee and just take a moment to breathe. Sometimes, I think as Americans, we forget to breathe. I hear about all these other places and cultures who take time to relax, they don't feel like they are in a rush every day and every minute, and they breathe. Maybe I should go to a monk monastery for a while and learn to breathe and relax. =) If only it were that easy.
I felt the feeling of anxiety for the first time in February. That was a crazy feeling. I thought I was having a panic attack or a heart attack. I feel so bad for people who have that often. I know my life isn't falling a part... it is just changing... a new chapter. I need to start thinking positive. I need to be open and mindful of others. I know there are a lot of other people going through hard times and I want to be there for them, no matter what is going on in my life.
Thank you for the people who have been there for me and no matter how much I try to push them out, they show me that I am still "very MUCH loved". You are truly amazing and such a blessing to me. I know I will get through this.

I will try smiling today. A real smile and not a fake one. =)

Psalms 73

Yes, while reading Psalms 19-22 I just stopped at the end of 22 and flipped to chapter 73 to read for some reason. As I was reading it, my heart just dropped. Verses 21-28 really got to me.
21Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind.
22So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.
23Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.
24Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
26My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
27For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.
28But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.

Why is it so difficult to put trust in God? Is it because we can't feel him physically? Is that why I have a hard time? Why can't I have that relationship that my mom always talks about? Lord, help me to reach out to you.

Psalms 18

1-3 "I will love you, O Lord, my strength. 2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3 I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies."

Honestly, I just want to cut everyone off right now. I just want to drown in my tears and close my door. I don't want anyone to check on me and I don't want anyone to care. I just want to feel numb... if I don't feel at all I don't have to feel this pain. God, I need you to give me strength. I need you to help me get through this. I need you Lord. I can't keep putting up this fake act.
I know I have two boys who are counting on me. Whenever I see their face, all the pain goes away. For that time, I know I can get through the day. Lord help me. Please

Psalms 11-16

11:1 "In the Lord I put my trust;" 13:3 "Consider and hear me, O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes,...5 But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me." 16:1 "Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust."

This week has been hard and it is only Monday. =) I guess I should say weekend. Saturday my mom left back to Washington and I had a little "encounter" with Julius. Then Sunday was nice but ended pretty sad. Now today, even though I was busy and on the go, I find that I can't get this lump out of my throat. Actually, it is in my chest, and in my heart, and in my mind, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I recently gave advice on making decisions and right choices. Ironic, right? I know no one ever makes all the right choices... but we must try, yes? I had to make a really hard choice... in fact, many hard choices. They leave me sad and lonely, but in the end it is the right choice. ? . I wonder... how do we really know? How can we make sure that this choice will lead to happiness in the future? We don't. We have no idea what our future holds from next year, next month, not even in the next 10 minutes. We can assume or guess... but we never know for sure. So we make decisions... choices that can lead us down one path or the other. How do we make these choices? Psalms is telling me that we need to trust God.

Why in the world is this so hard?! Why can't I just say, God, here... I don't know what to do so please make the decision for me. Thanks! I am done trying to make decisions on my own. I am really going to pray and seek what the Lord wants me to do. Even when it is the hardest, most difficult, most heart-breaking decision... I just pray it is the right one God wants me to make. I also pray that He will help me get through the day.

Lord, you know my heart. You know my heartache. You know my long nights and my tears that reach my pillow. I pray that you heal me and those broken around me. I pray that you lead me down the right path. I pray you take me on the journey that leads to righteousness and happiness. I pray that I grow closer to you and continue to long for your friendship and love. Please forgive me for trying to do everything on my own. Forgive me for trying to take my life in my own hands and being so hard and cold to those around me. I thank you for all you do. In Jesus name, Amen.

Song of the week: Glad You Came-The Wanted
This song has been on repeat and has been in my head... "My universe will never be the same."

Happy Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday to my Julius! I love this kid so much. He has so much energy, life, happiness, and always has a smile on his face. I love when he comes up to me and says, "mom, i love you" and gives me a big hug and kiss. Then I see him go over to Justus and do the same thing. He simply melts my heart and I am so glad I was able to give him the birthday of his life.

These pictures are from the party we threw for him at daycare.... Then I will add more pictures from his birthday party at Royal Jumps Inflatables later.


This is what he wanted to wear to school for his birthday. =)


This is the cake and balloons PJ and I surprised him with at his daycare! =) As soon as he saw the Flounder, he tried to grab it. lol

Psalms 8-10

After reading these chapters, I realized I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to cry out. I know that God is there for me and we should call on His name... but I am tired and weary. I am exhausted of explaining everything and trying to do what's right from wrong. Whose opinion is it for right and wrong? Why to one person is something wrong but to another, that wrong is something right or they see nothing wrong in it? Why is this world so confusing and empty? How do we just find happiness? Today my heart longs for answers. I guess I am also looking for the easy way. So many times I just want to shut everything out. I want to close my door to everyone that comes to it. I want to shut down and live my own life. I want to get away from everyone and their opinions and "advice". Who are they to tell me what I should be doing or how I should live my life? I am assuming it is God who is trying to get to me and he uses the people around me... but often I feel broken and run over. Is that how I should be feeling? The ones who give me these talks, who gives them their talks? Who tells them about their life? Today is all over the place. My emotions are everywhere... one day, the answers will come.

Psalms 4-7 Weekend!

These chapters have been on my heart the whole weekend. 4:1 "Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. 6:2 Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me; for my bones are vexed. 4 Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: oh save me for they mercies' sake. 6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with tears. 9 The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer. 7:1 O Lord my God, in thee do I put my turst: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me: 17 I will praise the Lord according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the Lord most high."

This weekend was really hard for me because I had Julius' birthday and then a surprise visit from my mom. I am so lucky to have her here; yes, but at the same time, I have such a hard time with her. I pray that God will give me the patience and strength to get through this week. Lord, I know you hear my every thought and word. I pray that you deliver me from my own self... deliver me from what I am familiar with and help me to be renewed by your Spirit. I want to be that happy woman again. I want to be confident and secure. Lord, be with me through this troubled time.

Songs of the Day: Your Name by The Swift
Grace Like Rain by Todd Agnew
Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars


P.S. Thanks to my sweet neice Taryn for reading my thoughts and prayers. I love you so much and appreciate your every word and of course that smile. =) Love you!

Psalms 3

I really needed this book today. I woke up different and not ready for the day, but once I opened my Bible, God knew this is what I needed to hear.
3 "But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. 4 I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill." I don't even need to explain what this means to me. 6 "I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around."
Lord, you hear my cries and my heart. You know what I need and strive for. You are always there and you comfort me. Thank you God for being my rock to stand on. Thank you God for keeping me going every day. Thank you for your mercy and forgiveness.

Psalms 2

8"Ask of Me, and I will give You the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possessions. 10 Now therefore, be wise, O kings; Be instructed,... 11 Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12...Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."
I know I have always had to put my trust in Him, but I never did. I battle so much with trying to do things my way or trusting what I think is right for me. I struggle with giving that up to God yet I give it so easily to others. I let people around me control what I do, what I say, who I can and cannot talk to... I go back and forth about who I should make happy and who can make me happy. But really, it is God I should be pleasing. I know that if I turn to God and really trust Him with my heart and my life, He will bless me. He will rejoice. I need to serve Him and only Him right now. I am tired of being dormant and incompliant to Christ. I know that I have broken hearts and really hurt people and for that, I am truly sorry. Although, I am mostly sorry for breaking my Father in Heaven's heart. How many times was I at the altar telling you I am ready to change, I am ready to turn my life around, I am ready to put you first... yet I never did. I am ready to take that step. I know it is going to be a long and hard road, but Lord, I want to put you first.
It is necessary for us to suffer to draw closer to God... I know this now. I heard a pastor once say, God's work of art includes many colors-both dark and bright; therefore, our lives include both dark and bright times. We still need to turn to Him through all times and that is what I am ready to do. I know that I shouldn't run from Him during time of distress but to rejoice because it is time for refinement. 1 Peter 1:7 says "that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I will be tested by fire over and over again, but I will become precious and pure as gold when He is done with me.

I need to trust God during my time of distress... this will help my roots grow strong in the Lord and He will continue to be by my side.
Lord, please forgive me for not coming to you sooner. Please forgive me for trying to take life into my own hands. I am drowning without you. Please help me to be the daughter you want me to be. I am crying out to you Lord to accept my hand and to teach me and hold me. Thank you for never turning away from me or abandoning me. I love you Lord and I know there is hope for me. Thank you for your mercy, grace, and healing. In Jesus name, Amen.

Song of the day: Third Day: Cry out to Jesus

Psalms 1

1 "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly..." Well, I think God is saying good morning to me. I have made a decision that I need to get back in the Word. I have realized that I am not the girl I used to be and I need help. I need God's help. It's funny because I always hear the Pastor talking about witnessing and telling people, "that thing you are missing and longing for is Christ". I have spent the past year thinking about what is wrong with me. I have been unhappy and have blaming it on all kinds of things... but the truth is, I don't have a relationship with God and that's what makes me unhappy. The only thing I can do is make an effort to reach out my hand to Him. Why have I been so blind to not see it before? Why was it so hard for me to rely on God?

3 "He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." I want to be like this tree that will grow and prosper. I want to grow with Christ and teach my boys to grow in Christ and to know that God is always by their side. I want to be planted by the rivers of water, not out in the desert trying to get every last drop of water. I don't want to dry out. I want to grow luscious green with fresh fruit and roots that are healthy and strong. I want to be strong to put away my childish acts and to focus on Christ.

6 "For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish." I want the Lord to know me. I want Him to bless my life and those that are a part of it. I want Christ to show me His unconditional and everlasting love. I want to feel His arms wrapped around me to keep me safe and to warm my heart. I don't want to feel alone anymore. I don't want to feel ungodly. I don't want to perish. I know that one day I will be with Christ and will have to answer to Him. I don't want to feel guilty or unworthy when I see His face.

Lord, please forgive my ungodly actions. Please open my heart to love you and open my eyes to see you. I have been gripping my heart so hard and so close saying that I will protect it.... but I need to offer it up to you. I trust you oh Lord. please, take this sadness from me.

Christmas in California

Life is good in the Morales home....Being with my sister Sherry and her family has been such a blessing. I have missed her for so long. Last year I was able to see her and her family for one day before we went to Disneyland and Sea World. Julius enjoyed playing with his cousins, PJ visited with Marco and talked sports, and I enjoyed loving my side of the family. I realized that I definitely didn't have enough time with them! So here we are!!
I have had so much fun here just relaxing with my nieces and nephew. Hannah, who is 16, thinks she can wrestle with me but I pinned her multiple times! (Sorry, maybe in five years). She and I love singing together and finding great music! Taryn, 12, has been connected to my hip laughing and helping with Justus and makes me smile every minute. Naomi, 6, calls my name anytime I am out of her sight and comes to give me a hug and a kiss. I love that she just wants to be around me. I love cuddling her and squeezing her until she starts giggling! Marco Joseph, 4, has been a riot! He entertains Julius all minutes of the day and then finds time to cuddle and kiss Justus. My favorite part is when we leave to go somewhere and when we come back home, Nay Nay and Marco run to the door, open it, yell my name, and give me a huge hug and kiss. That could never get old.
My sister Sherry is the most amazing woman I know. She is literally the definition of wonder woman. She is super mom, most-caring aunt, loving sister, and a great friend. I watch her all day long and wonder how she does it all. She wakes up and starts the coffee for us because she knows we want it first thing in the morning. She then gives kisses and hugs to everyone that is awake, making them feel like they are the most important person in the whole world at that very moment. Straight to the kitchen she goes to make breakfast from scratch for the household of ten. After that, she cleans up and begins playing with my boys and her kiddos. She never shows if she is tired or upset. She wears a smile on her face and has happiness in her voice. I want to be just like her. I strive to be the mom that she is. I hope that I can be at least half the wife she is. Last night I was able to hear her sing at church and her husband preach. It has been a while since I have heard good preaching and singing from the heart. Marco, my brother-in-law, is such a hard working man. When he is not working, he is cracking jokes and finding a new nick name for me. =) I wish we could live here because then there would be Morales joy in my life every day. That is the best joy! =)
This Christmas, I have been able to relax and not be rushed. I have been able to see Julius play constantly with those that love him and Justus be held and loved to death. It is nice to see PJ be able to relax and chill too. I know he misses being with his family and I am so thankful he agreed to coming to California so I can be with mine. I just sit here listening to music, drinking my coffee and thinking about all the love in this home. I hope that you are treasuring your time with your loved ones and enjoying the Christmas spirit.
I will try and post pictures later since it isn't working right now. lol Merry Christmas!!!!

Life... all at once!

Sometimes I just look at this blog and wonder why I still write on here. Then, I realize it's because I like to write. I don't have internet at home right now, so I can't get on FB... therefore, I am using this to be my outlet... for a little while at least. Yesterday, I had a very small breakdown. I was watching "The Ugly Truth" and got very sad. Not because it was a sad movie, but because I envied how happy she seemed to be. Such a big smile and all giddy inside. It reminded me of the days when I first started dating and was so infatuated with a boy. Now, don't get me wrong.... I am happy and I absolutely LOVE my husband and family. I just miss those butterflies and excitement. With Julius and being pregnant, my feelings and emotions are ALL over the place and directed in different directions. There is happiness in my life, but there is also sadness. There are parts of me that are missing and there are people in my life that I miss dearly. It's so hard to try and please everyone and please myself. I love everyone in my life right now but I miss so many at the same time. There are people I want to talk to and can't, there are those who I will never get to talk to again, and there are some who I can't talk to just because of who they are a part of. This is all to make my life better and happier right? Yes, life isn't fair, I know... but when can we all just get over everything? When can we all just be happy and forgive?
Anyways, Julius' second birthday is coming up! We can't wait... he is already doing such a great job with learning how to pee and poop in the potty and communicates somewhat well. =) I love when he yells, "mom" all day long. Then he wants to show me something or tell me something that most of the time I can't understand. Like this morning, he wanted to watch "Finding Nemo", his new favorite movie... and I was getting ready for work. He ran down the hall yelling, "mom, mom,..." and then grabbed my hand and said, "shark!". It was the cutest thing ever. So I followed him to the living room where he proceeded to point and yell, "shark, mom, shark!" =) It made it a great start to my day.
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed the Superbowl!!! We had a great time with just the three of us! PJ came home from work at 4pm and we started the game with Hot Buffalo Wings and Nachos!!! It was delicious... and I LOVED my cherry coke that he bought me... =) We ended the victorious day of watching the Steelers lose with reading to Julius and cuddling on the bed. All 3 (well 4 with Justus in my belly) of us and then went to bed. I love family time and can't wait for our addition to be here!

Updates!!

I can’t believe that Julius is almost 2 years old. I have gone through so much reflection and changes in these last two years. He has really shown me what being a mother is all about. Now I am going to have a second child?! A boy at that! Thank goodness. I already know how to take care of a boy, have all of the necessities for him, and won’t have to deal with the female hormones! =) Yeah, I am pretty happy about it. I am especially happy for Julius to have a brother. I know that he will have the best years with him and it will be easy for me. That’s the best part!!
It’s so crazy to see Julius’ personality come out. He LOVES to say “No” to everything, which I know, you say is typical. This boy, however, says NO when I tell him I love him. It cracks me up to hear him respond that way because I think he knows I want him to say it back. He is teaching himself so many different things just by being observant. Yesterday we were reading to ourselves next to each other. He grabbed my arm and screamed, while pointing at the page, “MAMA MAMA, Dun-din-door!” I looked down and saw a tortoise that looked very similar to a “dinosaur”, and was so proud of him. He then pointed to an “egg” and yelled that too. He gets so excited when he sees and says things that he knows and understands. He runs everywhere and tries to get into everything in sight. His favorite thing to get into is the snack drawer! Every day he will try to get a Special K bar, Nutrigrain bar, Korean snacks, or even any of the cereals. Then brings it to mom or dad and says please. Well, we try hard not to give in but I have caught PJ and Julius on the couch a couple of times both eating. =)
Every time we are in the car Julius loves to search for the moon. That kid can find the moon in less than 5 seconds and even in the day time. It is crazy to me how much he loves finding the moon and yelling it out for everyone to look. He just recently learned about the American flag. It hangs on the top of Walmart and I always ask him, “where’s the flag Julius?” He points and yells, “FLAGGGGG!” and then wants to go up and grab it.
Of course he still loves his shows and dancing to all the songs. He tries to copy them and when the characters give him something to do, he follows along. I can tell he will be a great dancer. I tell him about the baby in my belly and how it is his baby brother. He looks at me like I am crazy and then lifts up my shirt and yells, “baby”. I can tell he has been clingier because he always wants me to hold him or let him sit on me. Then in the mornings and after naps he yells for DADA or MAMA. He really is the cutest boy and I am so proud of how much he has grown.
I am still trying to figure out if I want to throw a birthday party for him. He only has about 3 friends his age, so we will see. Let me know what you think! =)

Christmas- Reflect and Spread

Christmas.... what a wonderful holiday. The time to think. The time to remember. The time to love and care and spread good cheer. But how are we really spending this time of year? Have we actually took the time to think and remember? Have we just spent our time thinking about ourselves and our family or have we thought of others? This whole year has been ups and downs for my family and I, and now I am truly taking the time to just sit and reflect. I am in a great home with food and warmth, a husband and son who love me dearly, a precious little one on the way, and a new job that has brought me my laughter and personality back. I know that I am happy now, but what about the rest of this year?
I think when I became a mom and a stay-at-home-mom, I forgot who I really was. I forgot that I am an outgoing, social person who needs the company of others. I thoroughly enjoyed being with my son and watching him grow and bring new joys to my life-BUT... I let that cut out the other half of me. I became this person who was suddenly a stranger. I thought my duties were to cook, clean, take care of my son and provide what ever my husband needed. I suddenly aged about 10 years and missed the years of my youth. I indulged so much in my new family, new home, new environment, that I missed what was really important to me. MYSELF! I took on new beliefs and tried to force them onto my dear husband. I became unhappy.
After chaos and depression continued... I finally got a wake up call. Now I am sitting in an office with a completely different outlook on life. I remembered that I am only 24 years old and I have so much ahead of me. Yes, I got married at a young age, had a son, moved to a new state, new home, new job, and now pregnant... but that doesn't mean I have to leave my old life behind. I am taking what I have learned in the past 23 years of my life and adding them to the new experiences that I have learned just in this last year. I am a mom; a young mom, who needs to do things for herself sometimes. I need to love my family and love others as well, but I also need to learn to love myself and the person I have become.
This Christmas I am trying to help others understand that this could happen to them and to not forget! I talk to my friends who are thinking about marriage, already married, are parents, etc. and make sure that they are not completely changing into someone they do not want to be. I sent a Christmas box to a little 2 yr old boy in a third-world country to make sure this Christmas he has all the hygiene products and toys needed. I participated in providing food and presents for a family of eight. And now I am focusing on the good cheer I could spread. It breaks my heart, working in a Pediatric center, to see the kids who need love and care. I try to give them a smile and make them laugh so that at least, for that one moment, they don't have to think of the sadness in their life.
I hope you are doing something great this Christmas. Take time to reflect on what needs to change in your life and do a little something for someone else once in a while. I know that money might be an issue these days... but even a smile can brighten up someone's day! Merry Christmas and a "Make a Difference" New Year!! =)

Classical and Life

So lately I have had more ups then downs. That's good right? I went from hating being in my house to loving it. I KNOW that is good! Julius makes me so proud. He is learning so fast and is opening my eyes to a new happiness. We have been listening to classical music and every time he hears Bella's Lullaby, he starts dancing. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. No matter if he is crying, laughing, just waking up, drinking his sippy cup... he dances.
I have seen so much more of this small town and the towns around us. I thought there was no coffee shop but turns out, they have espressos at the Cocoa Real... yummy chocolates too.
I saw the community garden on 4th st. and the most amazing sunflowers were growing so big. It made me smile. Looking out my window, we have a Blue Sage bush... BEAUTIFUL. Breath-taking really, with the mountains in the background and the sky so clear and blue.
Reading has become a big part of my life. I am reading all of the Twilight Saga books, but still reading. =) I didn't think I could get through one book let alone 4!! They are wonderful. Edward is so romantic and treats Bella like she is the only female in the world.
My birthday was great. PJ spoiled me galore! He loves me so much and I am lucky to have him. We have been spending every weekend with one relaxing day and one day of fun. We have the best times together as a family. Even though I don't get to see him through the week.... it makes the weekends that much better.
Oh yeah, I go on walks every day! Cougar LOVES it and Julius does too. It is so nice to see the trees and hear him say it and point. Cougar tries to chase all the jack rabbits and cottontails. It is refreshing to be outside with the sun shining and a slight breeze of wind. I try to get out of my lazy mode and do what I can these days.
I can't wait until I go to Washington! See my friends and family. Go to Seattle, Kate's wedding, Brittany's bacholorate party (wish I could be there for the wedding too), and for Julius to enjoy his family. It is going to be a great time. Then PJ will be out of the academy 2 weeks after and we will go back to a normal life! Ahhh, can't wait!
Enjoy your weekend and the fourth of July!!

Thanksgiving and Christmas

Well, thanksgiving was fun! First time away from home with my mom and dad's delicious cooking... away from my sister Deborah and my besties Tina and Elizabeth. They always come over for dinner. First time to not go to a thanksgiving movie with the family. First time, however, with my family, sister's family and friends! The food was deeelish and the fellowship was great. I did get in trouble for leaving Julius with PJ while going to Burke's (we celebrated on Black Friday so there was a sell) because I was late getting home. But come on, we were out with the girls and there was still two husbands at home with Jules and Josiah... and Ellie, almost forgot.
Speaking of Black Friday, we had the best one because it was just Walmart. Yes, small town equals only one store, however, we were there at 4:45am (with the excited Julius) and were able to get EVERYTHING we wnted, paid for, and packed in the car by 5:25am!! How awesome is that?! We could NEVER do that in Washington. We did miss out on the great deals at Target, but another time. We were content that day. =)

Christmas... we just had a visit from PJ's grandparents and that was fun. They loved our church, how friendly everyone was, the small town feel, and of course, our wonderful house! They came on Saturday and left today, Tuesday morning. The wind last night was crazy... I heard it was suppose to be 75 mile winds!! I wonder if it was more! Well, now PJ and I are relaxing... somewhat... his work for some reason always gets him to go into the station on his off days. He was gone for about 3 hours but now we are going to eat leftover pizza, cherry pie and vanilla bean ice cream and watch a movie. We have our Christmas party on December 11 at the church and PJ is going to try and stop by. Then we will be heading home to WA from December 15th-21st.
In WA, we are going to try and stay at my parents' house from the 15th-17th and then in Olympia at PJ's mom's 18th-21st. I am going to see my bestie Liz, go to the TAC mall, be with my parents, go to a game to see my cheerleaders, go out with bestie Tina and her boyfriend, have Christmas with fam including Deborah, go to Zeke's basketball games, go to Oregon, go to Southcenter to see roomies Kate and Donis to try on bridesmaid dresses, go to Pj's fam Christmas party, Christmas with PJ's fam, spend time with his dad, then come home. Yes, seriously busy vacation... but we will have fun! Hopefully... no... we will have FUN! =)
Then in NM, we will be back and have Christmas with Al and Cora on the 25th... PJ has to work, then Julius' check up on the 29th... and then............................................. NEW YEARS! I can't believe how fast time flies. December is already going by so quickly.
I probably won't post till 2010 so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Make it a good one. Remember, Thank God for what you have and Trust God for what you need!

Home at LAST!!!

It's 9am and I just put Julius down for his first nap of the day. He likes to wake up between 6:30 and 7am and then eats, plays, and then gets cranky. This is why I know he needs a nap. Sometimes, I wish I could just go back to sleep when he does; but I am already awake, so there is no use in trying. When he goes to sleep there is so many things I want to get done but never know what to do first. Do I make breakfast, blog, clean the dishes, clean up all of Julius' toys, watch a movie... so many decisions!!! I decided to blog this morning since I haven't in a while, then breakfast. =)

I love my new house... it is so refreshing to wake up in my own bed and be able to walk straight to my bathroom in my room!!! I have always wanted a master room with a bathroom and now I have one, who would of though?! Every morning I wake up, brush my teeth, go to the living room and open all the blinds, open the kitchen window, and let Cougar out to pee. When I open my living room window and see Kettle top and all the mountains, I thank God for this beautiful home. Then, quickly I go to get Julius because he has already been awake goo-ing and gaga-ing... I nurse him then put him in his high chair.

Julius Julius Julius. I am struggling with him and his solids. For the past two to three weeks he has been stubborn about eating his food. He used to open his mouth all wide everytime, but now he keeps his lips sealed together and turns his head. I know he likes the foods because he used to love the ones I give him. I don't do green beans or peas anymore because he hated those and I figured I would just give it to him when he can eat them whole. (I never liked smushed up green beans either! =)) He loves eating finger foods and my mom sent me these rice cakes, so I break off pieces and put them on his high chair table. I am working on him picking things up because his thumb is still a little immoble. He has been doing really well but when his fingers get all slobbery, he can't get the rice cake to come off his fingers and into his mouth. So then I have to peel it off and put it in his mouth. He has been talking a lot more and I love it. Last night we went on a walk around 7:30pm before PJ had to go to work... Julius was talking so much just looking at everything around him when PJ would shine on something with the flashlight. He loves Cougar. If he wakes up and I don't want to wake up and get him yet, Cougar would run to the door and put her paws on the crib as to tell Jules that everything is fine, she is there now. Then she sits and waits for me to get up. If I don't get up, she runs into my room and puts her paws in MY face!! I hate it, so now I try to get up before she comes barging through my door. haha... she hates to hear him cry. She is such a good sister to Jules! Sitting up... he has finally been able to sit up on his own. He is having a hard time not throwing himself back, but will sit up and play with toys in front of him for at least 10 minutes. You can tell he is a first-time-sitter because his head is still a little heavy, but I am proud of him for trying. He still doesn't crawl, but when I put him on his tummy, he scootches backwards or rolls over... so he is working on it.

I love being a housewife!!! It is the best thing ever. I get to clean my house all day... it never stays dirty because I am so picky. lol I make sure there are never dishes in the sink, nothing on the floors, dust the table and ledges, no dead bugs on the window seal (part of living by the lake), windows are clean with no streaks, beds are made, bathrooms are clean, clothes are put away... ahhhh... I love it! I know some of you are thinking I am crazy but it's true. I get to be in a clean house with my son and puppy all day. When it is nice out I will wash Cougar or weed outside... sometimes take a trip to town and go run errands or go visit Esther. When I sub, I still do all those things when I get home, but then I just feel rushed... and if I had a bad day subbing, then I don't want to do anything. Don't get me wrong, I love subbing and have a lot of fun with the different students, but there are those days when I wish I could just be hoome cleaning or making muffins! =)

The one thing I hate... PJ being gone. I know it is his job and I understand that being an officer is a time-taking job... but sometimes I just wish I could just have a week with no subbing or cop duty. Yes, this is selfish of me because I know there are couples who have both parents work every single day. Or like my family, when both parents would work from 6am-9pm by the latest. I guess I just miss my partner. I have come to realize that "honey do" list are nonexistent. PJ would ask me what I want or need him to do, I would write it down and place it on the table. Then, on his off days he would try to do all he can. Well, it came down to him never being able to get to the jobs I asked him to do because he would be so tired. I would just end up doing the jobs because they had to be done. I never get mad at him for not being able to get to them because I know he just doesn't have time. I feel bad for him really because he wants to get to them and wants to do them but by the time he comes home, he is exhausted. Men want to feel like they are the fixer and need to be depended on... so I feel sad that he can't really feel this way. For example, he worked last night from 9pm suppose to be till 7am, but he just walked through the door and it is 9:40am. So now he is going to shower, eat and go to sleep because he has to go back to work at 3pm-1am. His hours are never set in stone so it makes it hard. He loves his job and he loves what he does, but I miss him.

The judge said that there has been more arrests now that PJ is in town. He is such a hard worker and really hates criminals, lol so he does what he can. I can tell you for sure, if you are in T or C NM, don't think about speeding because he will get you and you will get a ticket! haha... He loves to spend time with Cougar and Julius. His favorite thing is to take them down to the lake and throw Cougar in and watch her swim to shore. =) We love our life and are having so much fun together. I can't believe that PJ and I have been married for over a year now. Everyone said that once we move into our own house that there will be problems and issues that we never had before... but so far, we are doing good. He is a great husband and will do anything I ask because he wants to make sure I am happy. I try to be the best wife for him and starting this week to the new year, I am going to try and be the most encouraging wife there could be.

Sorry this is so long, just wanted to make sure I didn't leave anything out. lol Thank you to those of you who have sent us gift cards or money or even cards.... it is really sweet and we are so appreciative. Have a great day!!

Janette Oke "Love Comes Softly" series

ok, just watched the love saga of Janette Oke's "Love Comes Softly" series and I loved them. The only problem is, I didn't see the first two, "Love Comes Softly" and "Loves Enduring Promise". I loved the movies and I heard they were different from the book. I don't know if I would want to read the books because I loved the movies so much. hmmm... I am really thinking about buying the two sets of series at Best Buy for $20 each... However, there are two new ones that I was able to watch on the Hallmark channel and loved them even more, and they are not out on dvd yet.

Well, just wanted to share my thoughts on this series! lol

Surprise... here I am!

Good morning! Yes, I am finally writing a post. Sorry for being gone for so long but it has been busy and I really haven't had time to just sit down at a computer. So here I am... Julius is trying to put himself to sleep and I am ignoring the whines while trying to type. =) I realize that this is just what I am going to have to do if I want to get anything done. Ok, here is my update since what, April?! Ha... yeah long time.

Move to New Mexico: I am having a great time here. PJ loves his job as an officer and I love being a substitute teacher. The weather is great, the lake is beautiful, and the rainbows and sunsets... God is amazing. Enough said there! It is quite a difference from living in Washington my whole life. Sometimes I still wonder when I am going to go back home. I guess since I don't have a house to myself yet makes it seem a little less realistic.

T or C Police: Like I said... PJ loves his job. I, on the other hand, can't stand the long hours. All of the officers tell him that most officer-marriages end in divorce because all of the chaos that goes on. I know that won't happen to us because we have God as our third member... but the 14-15 hour shifts are not helping. PJ is suppose to work 10 hour shifts for 4 days on and 3 days off. So far he has worked on 1-2 of his off days almost every week and the days he is scheduled to work, he ends up working from like 8am-10pm, 3pm-4am, and today he works 7-5pm but we will see if that is really what he ends up working. I feel bad for him because he isn't getting enough sleep... but the captain loves his work and says that PJ is a very hard working man! I agree with that!

Teaching: Ok, I decided to sub for a part time job so we could get a loan for the house of our dreams. I only have to work about 2-3 days a month to help out with the house payment. Actually, my working 2 days a month will cover our medical payments and that is very nice because this is the first time we have had really good medical for a medical,dental,vision plan. I don't mind working a few days because I know it will help with starting our life off and it's nice to be in the schools every so often. I do hate leaving Julius because I worry about him so much. I hate that my milk doesn't produce enough to pump after feedings so he will have bottles. I don't like it when he has to drink formula... but since we are starting him on solids, hopefully it will get better. Teaching is fun... elementary... that is a different story. I don't know how you teachers do it. I hate the tattling, the whining, the complaining, oh and the random stories that come out of no where. I thought that was only in kindergarden! It is a nice change from rude high school students I must admit. And it is fun reading stories like "The Whoosh of Gadoosh" because then I know what I could read to Julius when he is a little older. (Great book by the way!) All in all, the students have more manners here and actually pay attention. It's a nice change.

Julius: He is over 6 months old now and I am loving every minute of it. He is rolling over from his tummy to his back and from his back to his side, sometimes to his tummy. He can hold his head up, is starting on solids, and is working on sitting up. We put him in the Bumbo seat or sit him up by holding him under his arms. He is almost 13 pounds, so we have him on a supplement vitamin and I am hoping when he eats solids more often, he will get bigger. He is a healthy, strong boy who loves to kick and suck on his toes and fingers. He amazes me every day and I thank God that he is such a blessed child. He is trying to talk these days more so than others. He babbles and loves to hear the sounds he makes when he talks with his fingers in his mouth. He loves the camera, if you haven't noticed already... he smiles when ever there is a flash or if he sees me open my cell phone. I know my mom misses him so much and I bet if she poked her head in the crib he would get the biggest smile of them all! The sad thing is, we can't find our video camera charger, so I haven't been able to get him on video between his 5th and 6th months... and now we are about to go to his 7th month. So I think I am just gonna have to buy a new one. =(

Our Dream House: I love the house we chose!!! It is a flat top adobe house with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 3/4 of an acre, has a boat cover/shed, already painted in great colors inside, and from our roof- a lake view!! We are going to put stairs to the top to have as our patio so we can sit up there and enjoy the view. (PJ's favorite part!) The house inspection went great and our closing date is September 25th. We are just waiting for my paycheck from the school district on Sept. 20th and all the paper work will go through then! I am so excited I can't contain myself. We are house sitting right now until next Friday and then another week in a half at Esthers-then in our own home!!!! Yes, it will be hard without a fridge, washer and dryer, couches, and chairs to our dining room table... but nevertheless... it is our first home and we will get everything in time! (If you would like to donate anything... we would accept! haha just kidding!) At least it will make the move easy right?! The funny thing is, Julius is the one with the most stuff! He already has a crib, pack and play, a glider, decor, ect!! I am happy that his room will be complete though. Yup, can't wait!!

Cougar: This is the name of the dog we want to buy. We found her at the humane society about two weeks ago. She is about 1 and we thought she was a ridgeback mix... but we found who her owner is and they say she is a full-blood hound. The sad thing is, we talked to the officer who found her and she said that Cougar was thrown out of a moving truck on the highway as if they were trying to kill her. She is the sweetest dog who loves kids, is beautiful, and doesn't hardly bark!! That is the part I love. lol We are going to go put a down payment on her so no one buys her. We like to go play with her and give her bones... We just bought a toy and a brush for her. The only thing is, she has to stay there until we get our house. I honestly don't know how we are going to afford a new house, a baby, and a dog... but PJ is determined to rescue her. She has already been at the society for going on 3 months now... so I said it was fine. I don't think I have to explain her name. lol (Her picture with PJ is on our QUINTessentials if you want to see her!)

Well, I think that is about it. I don't know what else is going on in our lives... I believe this is the most detailed update I have ever written... If you have any questions or comments, just leave them or let me know... I hope everyone is doing well and I thank you so much for all your love and prayers!!! Have a great day!!